Wednesday, 21 April 2010

How I got over my ex

I’ve two confessions I’ve been a bad blogger and not written in a month and I’ve also chartered into dating territory again. After hopping in and out of meeting men, seeing an ex and unstitching past wounds I’ve managed to drop off some excess baggage and although I thought it would be tears forever, I’ve actually emerged excited.

The other day I did something I hadn’t done since I was a full time singleton, I got drunk on Pimms with the girls in the day, then went up to a guy I thought was hot and gave him my number. He was stunned, I was stunned and what was most stunning is that we went on a date.

Nerves couldn’t cover it, I panicked wondering, would I be funny, intelligent and interesting. After annoying everyone who would listen, me and my butterflies met this new guy who seamlessly marries rough London boy persona with high flying career. My worries were unfounded, we’ve hit date number 3 already.

And that’s not all, my surge of confidence ensured I had an amazing night with some friends at the weekend and was so relaxed and happy the man we’d all been drooling over in the bar came over to me. And yes, I’m double dating, I’m seeing him this week too.

Now some may think I’m bragging, I hope I’m not. After being rejected by a mean man again I’m just fully embracing the fact that when your heart is still mending there’s no harm in helping it heal with some fun.

Monday, 22 March 2010

Do single people cram their lives full?

"Sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragical."

Backstreet Boys, circa 2000

For those of you who don't know me, I'm being ironic here quoting a boy band, but I do think they have a point... I've noticed the differences in my life when I'm with boy and without. It's nothing to do with having time for friends (if you're a good mate you'll be there single or not).

Single people, from my observations, seem to have endless plans over the weekend and are out every night (I put myself in this category) whereas coupled up are good to chill at home even if it's alone or spend the weekend without their other half happy in the knowledge someone else out there is thinking about them.

Of course, being party girl or party boy is fun and interesting but is it some sort of cover up? A mirage to mask the loneliness that comes with not having anyone to say good night to, or to moan to or to care how your day was.

There aren't any prospects of dates on the horizon and I've already started jamming my life so full I can hardly think and I worry in some way it's because I want to hide the loneliness. Of course lots of people revel in singledom but a little part of me says if you're single you're most likely to be heartbroken pining after someone else or lonely, avoiding thinking about being without a special someone.

Right, best call the girls for a drink. Don't wanna sit at home alone tonight with my ready meal.

Friday, 5 March 2010

I think my ‘boyfriend’ is cheating

Lipstick on his collar – oh how easy it was in the 50s to spot a scoundrel. He’d be home late from work, he’s smell of another woman’s perfume and you wouldn’t be able to say anything about it, ok, maybe it wasn’t so easy. But this week’s dilemma would be so much easier to solve 60 years ago, I’d just shut up and take it.

Instead I’m a noughties girl even though I classify myself a single lady a la Beyonce’s track (yes I have danced in my pants to it with a hairbrush.) I ‘stumbled’ across a pic of another girl on the guy I’m seeing’s phone. And when I say stumbled I do actually mean it. I have nosed in another’s phone before but this time we were looking at his pics together.

Up popped the inevitable, a girl in her underwear who wasn’t me. I swallowed my insecurity at that point and said how pretty she was. Which btw didn’t invite him to tell me she was a) a model b) shortlisted as an FHM honey and c) his friend.

She’d text him ‘asking’ him to vote which I understood – but why keep the pic if it wasn’t going to be used in the something-I-won’t-say bank? I get it but just don’t like to know about it.

It wasn’t until the token guy in my office overheard my moaning that he piped up and said if it’s something to hide, he’d have deleted it. Is that the case? If you’re having a read, please comment and tell me your thoughts!

Friday, 26 February 2010

I fancy a man with no morals

Uh oh the bad boys are back. After having my final fix of Mr Wrongs I thought I'd kicked my addiction to them. I'd had my heart pulled to pieces for (what I thought was) the final time last summer, vowing to meet the nice guys. And I did until he left me and only now and I'm starting to meet newbies and with it rediscover my addiction.

I was either lucky or unlucky enough to spend today in a room with 20 men and no one else. Obviously, I used this as ample opportunity to scourer for sexies. And boom, did one strike my eye! Silver fox, piercing peepers and that laid back business boy arrogance. YUMMY.

Throughout our meeting he unveiled himself - he runs a dating website for people who want to have extra marital affairs. This made him that bit more sexier to me, gasp. But it really did. Yes, I am asking for trouble and do deserve it but I fancied him before I knew - grrrr.

Well, I was good, we had a polite chat in the lift and that was it. A lucky escape... or I least I'm telling myself I think.

Monday, 22 February 2010

The (unlikely) knight in shining armour

As far as fairytales go, I've started to realise, evil witches exist as do princesses and the frogs most certainly do. But as for the prince I'm still searching although this weekend I didn't have to look too far...

There's a place for the good guy in chick lit and shows like Sex And The City, he's the one in the background who steps into the foreground after the drama and bad boy leaves. In the real world the good guys are obvious but we never fancy them but I'm not annoyed instead I'm rather thankful...

On Saturday my best friend threw a party where one of my best and straight male guy friends was doing the dj-ing. Unlike the last man in my life who got paid more in one night then I do in a month to play some records, this friend is a talented jockey who rides notes like a surfer does waves but ironically doesn't make any money.

When the bar called to say they'd messed up and their decks wouldn't work so we'd be without music for a party I called my pal to tell him the bad news. Not only did he drive down there, buy a new cable and sort the entire saga out he also played until 3am for free knowing just two people at the party. And all because he was my friend.

It reminded me of something very important - to stop stressing about the bad man and focus on the good ones, even if I may not fancy them I can still let them play the knight in shining armour and you know what, it felt fabulous, more than any man I've fancied could make me feel.

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Burn baby burn

Hands up if you've been stood up! My arms are in the air, and no, I'm not dancing. While it was now years ago that I waited for an hour in a bar for one man to turn up (an experience I've never quite forgotten) who never showed and had no explanation, it still stings when I'm stood up, even when it's just someone cancelling at short notice.

Insecure I may be. And in defense of the man tonight who's just cancelled on me it was to go to the same event but be at a better part of the party with work - a table with celebs and stars. As a friend/girlfriend/date I should be able to support him and hey - take another pal instead. But I can't help but be angry, of course I've not breathed a word to him but inside I'm screaming.

Two years ago an ex boyfriend went to the same event and cheated on me. I was determined to lose this memory and replace it with a happy one - with a new man dancing away and forgetting the bad times of relationships past. Unfortunately I've been hurt again, in an entirely different way but it still shows why single is best.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Jealous girlfriends

I am guilty of being one of them. Yes, I hang my head in shame and please feel free to comment on how shallow, insecure and pointless being jealous is, but I am, which is why I almost relate to the girl I happened to piss off the other day…

At one of those trying-to-be-cool-and-actually-succeeded events last week I’d queued at the free, yes, FREE bar for an episode worth of SATC, and eventually handed back the eight drinks I’d got for my friends.

My crap/amazing friends didn’t help with my struggle only one of the guys they were chatting too did. Point to you Mr scruffy-looking cutie. My friends had to shun the scene with Mr’s girlfriend to chat up some celeb they all fancied which left us alone with now just four watered down vodkas.

Anyway, we made polite conversation about the music, what we did and I was grateful that he put the effort in as he could have ignored me. Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw his arty and oh so cool girlfriend shoot me a ‘look’. I know she didn’t mean anything by it and I’ve shot that look countless times when I’ve seen a girl chatting to my man, I’ve just never been on the receiving end before.

It stung, I wanted to go up to her and tell her I knew how she felt, that I was faithful to the sisterhood etc but instead she marched up to him, snogged his face off and I walked away.

Uncomfortable? Yes it was. But would I have acted any differently? Probably not.

Later on that eve Mr caught my eye at a distance and winked – I felt that was a,’ it was nice to chat and nice to meet you’ but we both knew the unspoken law when a man has a girlfriend in toe. Best not to speak to a single girl you’ve just met.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Look into my eyes...

It's an unspoken but agreed clubbing etiquette that once you share a few seductive stares across the dance floor, one of you will approach the other.

But you have to be careful who you stare at, I’ve come to the conclusion that the following people should not be given ‘the eye’ in clubs:

1. Guys with girlfriends (for obvious reasons)
2. The bouncer (he’ll think you’re dodgy)
3. Men who look hot

Yes, point 3 seems ludicrous, but the darkly lit dance floor can be a single girl’s blessing and her curse. On Friday a boy I thought ticked last week’s desirability boxes: tanned, skin head, dark eyes and moody stare wasn’t quite so desirable up close.

From a distance he looked hot hot hot, and I wasn’t wearing beer goggles. But by the time he came over I realised he was about a foot shorter than me the skin head was more egg head and unfortunately he was about 18. I made polite conversation and felt like a huge tease as I’d practically invited him over with my determined stare only to try and run away when he spoke to me.

Lesson learnt – get closer before you start staring at your next piece of ‘prey’

Monday, 18 January 2010

The good old dating days

Gone are the days when you knew a boy really liked you – he took your home phone number, called two days later, spoke to your dad, then you, while your younger siblings ease dropped.

With mobile phones things get complicated. Flirting through text can mean nothing at all other than an ego boost to whoever the uninterested party is. And hey, thanks to so-called ‘feminism’ boys can slam doors in our faces, make us pay for dinner and never call after a date.

Boo hoo us! These, of course are not revelations, but you’d think that in 2010 I’d be sussed enough to know when to make the move…

This dilemma came the other night at a work event the drinks flowing, small talking was mandatory and avoiding the canap├ęs while detoxing was impossible. A short but oh so sexy hottie was giving me the eye… or so I think.

A couple of eye conversations later, I wondered how I could give him my number. Was he really checking me out or did he have something in his eye? He was in a little group and it was just too tough to tell what my next move should be.

Going straight up there seemed a bit presumptuous and a teeny bit desperate, so I walked away. I felt as deflated as you do when you’re on the escalator going down, hot guy opposite is going up and checks you out. What can you do – you’re in different directions.

I miss the days where a guy would just walk straight up to you, ask you to dance/for your number/what the dowry was, at least then it banished the uncomfortable feeling of silly texts that mean nothing or teasing stares that have left me wistful…

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Risking it all for romance

Last night sat on a plane a rare thing happened. A good looking man spoke to me.

Ok, it was only to ask how he got to London Bridge from Heathrow but I still blushed, tossed my tresses in delight and practically wrote a dissertation on London night life on his sheet of A4. He kept asking me questions though...

Mid-blush I had to ask myself, should I give him my number and tell him I'll play tour guide and he can play hot Aussie (not that he'd have to act at all) or just ignore it?

Logic reared it's ugly head:
1. He's too good looking likely to cheat
2. He's in town for 5 days what can really happen
3. He lives the other side of the world

Where has my 'sod it' attitude gone? Has my man hunt made me so cynical I'm avoiding all risk... isn't that the point of romance.

So tonight, I sign off regretful, wish I'd asked for his number!

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Another one bites the dust

As I enter into the ages where the big 3-0 now seems young, and being 21 feels like childhood, I’ve noticed more of my mates shunning the single scene.

Another day, another picture on Facebook of girls sporting rocks on their left hands. What shocked me most is that my fave party partner, who was always up for fun, mid-week, afternoon or mid-morning has left me. Where did she go?

We spent our time dancing on tables, in taxis on the streets. I’d call her at midnight and we’d go out. Men moved to her like a magnet because she was tonnes of fun, gorgeous and a really nice person. She would know someone who had a table at X,Y and Z establishment and we drunk our early twenties away.

I loved man hunting with her and I always thought she’d be around to party with.

Then suddenly it stopped. She met a man, moved in with him, and yesterday told me she’s engaged. Excellent, just as I’m in need of some attention of the male variety she, the one who never let me down leaves singlesville for good…

Monday, 4 January 2010

Moody men

I thought it was girls that got stroppy and stormed out on things. Apparently not. I took a (possibly too recent) ex to see Cirque du Soleil’s latest show yesterday evening and things kicked off to a great start with crisps and warm water thrown into the mix. When he bought my friend and I wine he upped the ante and even chimed in on the girlie conversation of careers and men, making me fall a little in love with him again.

I spoke too soon.

The man earns a living entertaining people, but he didn’t clap, break a smile or even pretend he was enjoying it once. It totally derailed the night as I was having a great time and wanted to share it with someone.

He left at the interval.

Luckily, I’d had the foresight to bring a friend as she was loving it as much as I was. It got us talking though. Her ex didn’t take much enjoyment out of the things she loved and got moody if it wasn’t what he wanted to do. I now hope I don’t do this when I’m at a footie match or worse, watching sport on TV. My sentiment is that if you’re going to be bored, moody and rude don’t come. Simple as. Although my ex didn’t find it so simple.

With us girls left alone we spent the rest of the show discussing how great it would be to have sex with an acrobat – am now chasing a flexible fittie who won’t be bored at the circus.